“Before I settle down, I want to live it up a little” “I’m not ready to be tied down anywhere or to anyone right now.” These are two very common approaches to the young single life. But could there be any inherent difficulty that these attitudes produce, which will cause problems in the future when one does want to settle down? I think there are at least “Eight Things Men Do To Ruin Their Marriage before They’re Married”
If “not being tied down to any one person” means enjoying multiple intimate relationships, then yes there will be problems for that person when they do chose to settle down. Because settling down means choosing to be committed to one person for the rest of your life.
All healthy relationships are built upon that commitment. Notice what our past does if we’ve had multiple partners. It undermines our ability to establish commitment with our partner. When a couple gets married, the assumption is that each person has been chosen out from among all others. But the more partners we’ve had, we don’t communicate, “you’re the one”, we communicate, “you’re one of them”, or “you’re the current one”.
Our commitment becomes conditional. As if we’re saying, “I’m always committed to whomever I’m currently committed to, and right now you’re it.” Who knew that right now many men, who are not even thinking about a future life as a married person, could be making choices that actually make their future marriage stronger simply by saying no to multiple intimate relationships? Conversely, a lot of men are ruining their future relationships as they accumulate intimate partners.
Chaplain Gregg Peters with the Valor Movement
